Tuesday, July 15, 2014

The Bachelorette Recap and Colon Cancer? Say What?

So here’s the scoop. My mom was diagnosed with colon cancer last week. Needless to say, it’s been a shitty five days. I am also now sick as a dog since I’ve been crying and not sleeping… and the fact my kids are sick too and they like to cough RIGHT in my face probably didn’t help. All of this means I’m not writing a Bachelorette recap this week. Let’s face it – this show is the same goddamn thing every week and I’ve been blogging for seven years or so? So it’s safe to say that I’m finding it hard to say funny things anymore, and this week of course, it is near impossible to be funny.

 However, I still watched the show. I like the damn show. It’s ridiculous and it’s no secret it’s my guilty pleasure. I own that. It was a good escape last night. So I watched it and though I don’t have the energy to recap the entire show, I will list some of my favorite parts from last night. Here goes:

- Jury is back: I do NOT want Nick on top of me naked and I DO want Josh there.
- Boys who scrapbook immediately leave sexy zone. Those drawings were pretty good though.
- Nick says “like” way too much. Like, WAY too much. It’s super annoying. He sounds like he’s 12.
- Exploring the city date = short end of the stick
- Josh tells the camera how much he loves Andi and that he’ll give her unconditional love and support, and that he’ll always protect her and trust her. No really, I love him. I’m not saying they’d last forever, but I dig him right now.
 - Of course they give Farmer the horse date.
- Chris tells Andi his favorite part of his hometown date was when “you just hopped on my lap and went to town.” So THAT could be misconstrued.
- The real reason she cancelled Chris’ fantasy suite date was because her vagina was bruised from all that horse riding. And from Josh and Nick the nights before. Mostly Josh, probably.
- She likes Chris and knows he’s the best guy there with the best family, but she’s not feelin’ it. She doesn’t want him in her vagine. She wants to want it, but she doesn’t. Buh Bye Chris. I LOVE him. But don’t sweat it, America – I’d bet my hat he’ll be the next Bachelor.
- Could the rose ceremony be ANY further from the car?
- Guaranteed the producers made Andi do the rose ceremony. “We did NOT spend five thousand dollars making this wood platform on the ocean so it goes to waste.”
- I had to dive under my couch after she gave both Nick and Josh roses and then they all just stand around…and talk about love and the fact she banged both of them within the previous 48 hours. I mean, STOP. (see what I did there?)

Next week is Men Tell All and the next Monday is the finale. I’m mildly interested to see how it all goes down, but I am extremely excited for Bachelor in Paradise. I mean, have you seen previews? The cast? Good shit, people. See you next week, hopefully. I’m playing it by ear.

53 comments:

  1. Hugs Jen. Many prayers for your mom and your family.

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  2. Sorry to hear about your mom's diagnose. My thoughts are with you and your family.

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  3. Big Jen fan here, I adore you to the moon and back. Sorry I never wrote that to you before, but do know that you have a lot of pals like me here in cyber space sending hugs and a ton of support.

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  4. Jen, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. Prayers for her and your family.

    p.s. I have absolutely no idea who Andi is going to pick. It confuses me how into Nick she seems.

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  5. All best wishes to you and your family.

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  6. Jen - thank you for so many Tuesdays full of laughter. I hope your sense of humour helps to get you and your family through this trying time. Hugs from one Canadian girl to another. xoxo

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  7. Thinking of your mom and family. Life is real, and sometimes it sucks.

    Also, Josh can get naked on top of me any day.

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  8. Much love to your family. Praying for complete healing for your Mom.

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  9. Cynical New YorkerJuly 15, 2014 at 1:08 PM

    I'm sorry to hear this, Jen. And I understand too closely what you're going through. It's OK to be pissed off and not feel like being funny. I wish your mom, you, and your family all the best. You have lots of support out here in cyberspace.

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  10. Jen,
    Been a fan for a long time - prayers for you and your family - understand when you feel overwhelmed (Sick, kids sick, family sick) - and I appreciate your posting since it is a great escape.....
    If I can just write one funny thing,.....how PISSED is Desiree that Brooks is on Bachelor in Paradise??? You know she is SO mad......Had to get your view on it!!! (again as an escape)
    emm

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  11. All the best to your mother Jen. Yes, these silly shows certainly provide a good escape! Take care.

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  12. I'm so sorry, Jen. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mom. I hope the prognosis is good. Thanks for posting and letting us know what is going on.

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  13. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family!

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  14. I too thank you for so many laughs Jen. And hope there is someone in your real life who will do that for you as you face this journey with your mom.

    Best Wishes…

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  15. I read your blog every week, and it is the funniest topic of conversation amongst my girlfriends and I. Grateful for the time you put into this - even if it seems like trivial entertainment. Super sad to hear about your mom - can't even imagine. I will be praying for your family!

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  16. I'll be praying for your Mom.

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  17. Jen,
    I am so sorry to hear about your mom. You have brought me and my friends so many laughs over the years. (Ever since Jake and Viennasausage.) I feel like we owe you so much for that! We'll be thinking of you. I echo what someone else said on here: you have so many people out here in cyber space who love you!

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  18. Awwww, Jen. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's diagnosis. Thoughts and prayers coming your way!

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  19. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I send you hope and strength.

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  20. I look forward to your posts and truly think of you as someone I would love to call a friend in real life. I'm with the other cyber folks on herae when we say we are thinking of you and your family.

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  21. Jen -

    My heart is heavy with the news of your mom. Remember, a diagnosis isn't a death sentence. If laughter is the best medicine, she's in good hands with Doc Jen.

    I am sending thoughts and prayers to your favorite spot when you just can't take it anymore - under the sofa. Feel free to crawl under there any time you need to feel the love and/or have a good cry.

    Get wells to you and the kiddies, too! Can't forget them!

    Hugs

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  22. Jen is an awesome friend and pee-your-pants-funny in "real life," and her mom is awesome too. Love you both!

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  23. Thinking of you and your mom. Everyone knows life gets too serious real fast sometimes and we have to make the most of the ridiculous when we can, and you help us do that. Thanks for the laughs and may your mother regain her health quickly with love an dprayers from your peeps.

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  24. Jen - my prayers are with you and your family. xoxo

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  25. So sorry to hear about your Mom. Wishing her, you, and your whole family the best.

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  26. Jen - thank you for taking time out of your life to make me laugh, helping me to get through hard and scary times... I think we all really appreciate you.

    Thoughts and prayers to you, your mom and your family. So sorry you are going through this. Why the hell does cancer even exist?! It absolutely incenses me... it's just not right...

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  27. Jen, prayers for your mom & lots of love and support to you. I swear to you that I am not being selfish when I say this but sometimes a distraction like doing something you are good at really helps. Even when sick & downtrodden, you just couldn't help but be funny. I love you. It will all be fine. Angel

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  28. Jen, I'm so sorry about your mom, and I understand this moment you are living.
    Thank you always for your blog, you are my favourite!
    My prayers for your mom and for you.
    xx

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  29. Jen - your commentary on these shows offers a refreshing oasis for seeing the light and dark side of relationships and those that pursue them, especially in front of a world-wide audience.

    Having a fellow smart-ass lend perspective makes watching them fun - keep writing!

    I have to think that your mom helped co-author your sense of humor, so all the best to her and your family in these trying times.

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  30. Sending you and your family hugs and prayers Jen.

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  31. Many prayers for your Mother. Tough road ahead. Because of your sense of humor and hilarity about life I hope you and your Mom can get some giggles going. Been there. Ask your Mother every question you've ever wanted to ask her about her life. When she recovers, you can ask her more.

    Yeah, Chris will be the next Bachelor. Voting she'll pick Josh -- they always pick the stud. Nick is like a little kid. Plays with his face too much.

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  32. Jen - praying for your Mom - it broke my heart when I read this....you have tons of support behind you just from us ladies that love you and your blog.......I hope you feel better too!

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  33. So sorry to hear about your Mom. I will be thinking of you and your family. Take care ~

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  34. Cherish every moment with your mother and don't forget to tell her you love her. All the best to you and your family.

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  35. Hi Jen,

    So sorry to hear about your mom. Keeping your mom and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jen, you are one strong woman ... just know your readers are here to support you. It's amazing how us lovers of that crazy show can join together in supporting each other and just be there.

    Big hugs!
    Joanne ~ VancouverChic

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  36. Thinking of you and your mom and you sick little people. Sometimes I think my girlfriend and I watch the show every week just so we can appreciate the humor on your blog. You rock and we're sending love at you!

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  37. Best wishes Jen!

    Bad stuff comes in 3's - by my count you are up to 3 with your illnesses, mom's diagnosis, and a snake in your house - so chin up it's all good from here!

    You have our thoughts and prayers and please reach out to your fans if there is anything you need!!!

    Love ya!

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  38. Sending positive vibes for your mother's healing. Hugs.

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  39. The Bachelorette is a guilty pleasure of mine too, and so is your blog. You are one funny (and brave) gal posting what you do! Love it! Strength and best wishes to your family.

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  40. Hi Jen, I've followed you for years and never posted. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I hope she kicks cancer's ass. Love your blog and I'll be rooting for your family. Hugs.

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  41. Sorry to hear this. I always look forward to your blog. You always make me smile & laugh at least once whether you try to or not. I'm glad the Bach is here & gives us a break from it all for a couple of hours. Hang in there my friend.

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  42. Jen,

    I have been reading for quite a while now ever since your dad mentioned you were writing here. I worked for him for several years and met you once or twice back in the day. To this day he's my favorite boss ever and after getting to know you here I think it's obvious that he takes after you in his awesomeness. ;)

    I am so sorry to hear about your mom's diagnosis. I'm sending prayers your way. She's lucky to have you in your corner as she prepares to kick Cancer's ass!

    Hugs to you and the kids...I hope you are all feeling much better now.

    Kristin

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  43. I never ever ever leave posts but this is a good time for an exception, to send support your way. Been there and remember crying in the closet. Prayers for you and your family from a devoted fan.

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  44. Love your blog. Thinking of you and hoping the best possible cure for your mom xxoo stY positive. Feel better sleep lots

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  45. Your sense of humor will help your mom, you and your family through this difficult time. Stay strong. Sending prayers.

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  46. Love and hugs to you and your family Jen. Hang in there!

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  48. Praying for your Mom. Hang in there, Jen. Take it day by day.
    I have to tell you, Jen, I am 72 years old and LOVE your blog. Haven't missed even one episode of Bachelor or Bachelorette. When my son alerted me to your blog, I laughed until I nearly fell off my chair and looked forward to see your hilarious take on the shows.
    We can all wait until you feel it is the right time to continue with your blog. You have heavy stuff ahead. If you decide not to continue, well you gave us a million laughs. Bless you.

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  49. Jen, Sending strength your way!
    Thank you for your sense of humor.

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  50. I'm very sorry about your mom's diagnosis. I hope they caught it early and that her prognosis is good. A friend of mine was diagnosed with colon cancer several years ago and he is now healthy and cancer-free. I stopped watching the Bachelorette this season but still read your recaps because of your great perspective. That perspective and your spirited personality will help you both through this challenging time.

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  51. Sending good vibes your way for you and your Mama. Thanks for blogging, can't be easy for you. P.S. I can't friggen wait for the Bachelor in Paradise.

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  52. Wayyyy behind on my bachelor viewing/ blog reading. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom :( I was by my husband's side from diagnosis through chemo so this type of news always hits me in the gut. BUT as he survived I am able to maintain a positive attitude. Will be thinking lots of good thoughts for your mom and your family. Hang in there!

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