Tuesday, February 3, 2015

GUEST POST 7: By Samantha M.

"Hey Hey Hey… to finding love it Santa Fe – wow the producers really found a winner with that one. This episode was full of awkward moments that made me want to crawl under my couch cushion AND plug my ears. I just couldn’t take it!!!!! But more of that in a minute –

Can we talk about how one of two things is true – either one of these girls cannot leave the country for some reason, or the show is totally skimping this season on the dates. One could argue that Chris is a small town guy and traveling to Santa Fe is a BIG deal, but come on, these ladies did not go on the show to hang out in the states. At least Megan isn’t upset because she actually thinks she is in another country. Hopefully someone stamped her passport.

So the first one on one date went to Carly. I was pleased to see this because she is cute and nice and adorable and pleasant. She has all of the makings for someone who wants to move to the middle of nowhere and raise a ton of kids. Maybe some of her niceness can rub off on whatever dick producer decided to take the “girl with intimacy issues” and put her on the sex guru date. That date would have been horrifying with just her, Chris and the guru, but add in all of the camera and show people – what a killer. I literally felt like a wanted to cry for her but I was too busy giggling like a school girl as they were breathing on each other. Of course my number one thought was how their breathes smelled. My husband thought I was having some sort of breakdown because I was sitting on the couch, crying, laughing, and trying to smell my own breathe at the same time.

At least the date ended, meaning it was time for the group date. I found this date so full of absurdities that I don’t even know where to start. First I firmly believe that they tell these women what they are doing to a certain extent before they go on each date. So in my mind this means when a producer says “Hey Ashley I. you are going rafting, in a boat, on a river, which has water.” Her response is “Oh my gosh, I can’t wait, I think this calls for full makeup and my hot red lipstick.” Maybe it is just me, but knowing I would likely fall off the boat, my makeup and hair going into the date would probably be minimal. The date is pretty boring while they are on the river, only livened up by Megan’s continued belief that they are in Mexico. Oh yes, and Jade falling over board. Again the black box made famous by Jillian reappeared but I will not pass judgment on Jade because she was in a life threatening position and I would have probably looked way worse. So the party on the group date was one of the better ones I’ve seen in a while. However while Jordan came back, the bigger point for the producers was that Kelsey’s crazy finally came out. And in honor of that I have dedicated an entire paragraph to it below. And again Ashley I is nuts and obviously not in this for the right reasons, and apparently a mean girl.

Britt had the one on one date. For a person so scared of heights that she had a freak out when receiving the date card, she sure didn’t have a problem in a hot air balloon. Does she realize that a hot air balloon requires her to stand in a basket and be lifted into the air by fire – without a parachute, or seatbelt? She is plain crazy or a big fat (not really fat) liar. I’m going to go with the liar option because everyone knows that her and Chris did not just nap behind that closed door. I’m starting not to like her, also because she sleeps with makeup. (again confirming my belief the producers tell them about the dates)

And the winner for most crazy this season is not the expected Ashley S (RIP Episode 4). The winner by a landslide is KELSEY. Now I’m all for letting your freak flag fly high (Ashley S) but Kelsey is certifiable. Most people are probably questioning whether or not Samson exists, but regardless she is cray-cray. Part of me feels bad for her that her husband suddenly passed away. But that side of me is punched in the face by the other side that believes she is nuts. She used the story as a play in getting Chris’ attention when she knew she was behind, and brags about her story being the best. Cue Ashley I’s story and how she thinks she is the best. I don’t know where these ladies are from, but in Wisconsin men like women who don’t have “stories.” In fact it is usually the person with the smallest number of stories that wins. I don’t want to use the word baggage (thank you Kalon and Emily) but it typically isn’t a good thing to have. So now I am going to place high bets on saying goodbye to Kelsey for sure and most likely Ashley I – just given their “great” stories. In fact the stories are getting to be so much for Chris that he needed to be consoled by Chris Harrison and the producers needed more time to show Kelsey SUPER FAKE panic attack."

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