Tuesday, February 23, 2016

The Bachelor - Week 8 Thoughts

Well if my text messages and Facebook page last night were any indication, this was by far the highlight of the show:

She must have been hammered to do that when she knew there were cameras around, right? But she’s got the type of face that makes it hard to tell if she’s drunk or not. We’re down to four girls. Here are some thoughts:

 • Amanda’s kids are cute. But what REALLY made their cuteness were those toddler gladiator sandals. (?)

• I could’ve told you five weeks ago that after Ben hung with those kids for three minutes he’d dump Amanda. Not because they’re bad kids but because they’re kids. And in general, kids are a pain in the ass.

• Not a new discovery, but one I continually find intriguing season after season – leather barcaloungers are all the rage in Middle America. Or the OC apparently.

• Amanda’s Dad does a good job of warning Ben (aka scaring the living shit out of him) of what life would be like as a dad: “You know how sometimes now you go to the gym with friends? Yeah, you can’t do that anymore. Do you like books? You’ll never read an adult book ever ever ever again. Truly, you won’t. In reality, you can’t do anything at all you ever want to do. Ever. Ev. Er. But children are a blessing.”

• Lauren lives in LA. She hasn’t set foot in Portland in years. Nor has she eaten from a food truck before.

• Lauren’s brother looks like a cross between Joel McHale and Conan O’Brien.

• Lauren’s sister is skeptical and asks Ben hard questions. He cries in order to deflect and it totally works. Her sister squeals, “Ohhh you just answered it! Squeal! Hug hug hug.”

• Sister asks Lauren if she thinks she’s compatible with Ben. Lauren answers, “Are you asking me if I’m in love with Ben?” Sister answers, “Umm, no I’m fucking asking if you think you’re compatible with Ben.” She didn’t say that.

• Caila’s hometown date consisted of walking to her high school, sitting on a bench and making a toy house. Have you ever assembled one of those things? It’s one of the least fun things ever. Terrible idea for a date.

• Caila’s Dad is Talky Talky McTalk.

• Caila’s Mom is all braces and overly optimistic.

• Caila asks Mom if she thinks he’s in love with her. She responds, “YES! I only spoke to him for 97 seconds but I have a Filipino sixth sense about these things.”

• Have I mentioned what dicks the producers are on this show? They make JoJo think the note is from Ben so she’ll read it out loud. Dicks.

• Good ol’ Chad wants JoJo back. Do you think Chad is going to be pissed when he finds out he was on speakerphone on national TV? I’m sure they’re back together now anyway.

• JoJo’s brothers are hammered. They’re also total assholes. And they also might be in love with their sister. I think they need to get married themselves so they have someone else to think about beyond their sister. That is a LOT of focus and passion for a sister, no?

• I will say Ben does a horrid job of convincing brothers he cares about JoJo. He says, “I care about her a lot. I’m not making any promises though. We will have good conversations.

• JoJo tries to bond with Mom but I think Mom is drunk or may not understand English? Another overly optimistic Mom says, “It’ll work out! You’re beautiful!” and she answers, “Mom, there are still three other girls.” Mom says, “Oh.” So that shut mom up pretty quick.

• Brothers are super dick and tell JoJo that Ben is not as invested as she is. It’s pretty dick of them. They can be concerned about her and tell her to be careful without pooping all over her dreams.

• JoJo dad is weak but at least he’s calm and reasonable. Fuck, he has to be with that clan of clowns. Although I will have nightmares about his mustache.

Rose Ceremony 

Where is Harrison? Oh phew there he is. Ben gives his three roses to Lauren, Caila and JoJo. Therefore, Amanda is sent home. She’s mad that he made her drive ALL the way from Orange Country…to LA to get dumped. Seems to be the wrong thing to be mad at?

Next week, Ben really confuses things by telling two girls he loves them. Oops.


  1. Never thought I'd say it, but this show has gotten really depressing. Where are all the crazy chicks this season we can make fun of and feel better about ourselves? Instead we get an Olivia who basically took over the entire show. Blah blah blah. This season hasn't been halfway as fun to watch as Chris'. I mean I even miss the guy's laugh. I'll take it over this season of mean girls who allegedly badmouth each other, but the voice snippets are so badly produced, they could have been talking about any of them. And they like to do each others hair and makeup. Weird. And they had Amanda poor kids meet this guy and then watch their mother lose another guy. C'mon now, Bachelor Producers! Where are the Ashley I's??? Ashley I for Bachelorette!

    1. Ashley appeared on the "20 seasons of the Bachelor" last Sunday. She is 5-6 mos. pregnant. No name of the daddy but Chris Harrison was a bit blown away -- because I think he loves her. Darn, she could have been the next Bachelorette!

    2. You're thinking of Ashley S. She is pregnant, not Ashley I. Ashley I is the one with the eyelashes who is Kardashianesque.

    3. Thanks Tootie -- that's right. Meant Ashley S. not Ashley I. the crying virgin!

  2. Did you see the blooper at the end during the credits when Lauren's little brothers ask Ben about the fantasy suite? Second best to the mom chugging the wine.

  3. I laughed crazy hard at that. Ben doing a double take and then stumbling through words. I asked my hubby.... did a 12 year old just ask Ben if he was going to bang his sister? LOL.

  4. Thanks as always for the funny thoughts, Jen! Her mom chugging straight out of the bottle HAS to be in my top 10 moments for laughs & rewinds. As hard as I tried, I couldn't figure out if she was drunk, over-botoxed or just doesn't speak English very well. As anonymous said, the only thing I laughed at harder was Lauren's baby brother asking Ben about the fantasy suite.

  5. drunk, over-botoxed, bad plastic surgery - oh my!

    we need a reboot of this show, not more cringe-worthy crap like the fantasy suite question

    how about the Bach/Bachette getting to watch the "contestants" behavior when they are not around? the producers are screwing with their lives enough - shouldn't they get ALL available information in order to make the best possible choices?

  6. I think Amanda was mad that she had to leave her kids again in order to get dumped. I don't blame her. Her little ones had not seen her in a month, and then she has to turn around and leave again. That is very hard on little children when she is their main caregiver. If he knew soon after that date, he should have gone back to OC and told her in person to not leave her family again. But like picking up the rose to dump Olivia, I think that was a producer move. You are right, they are dicks.

  7. I was really hoping that, when asked what he liked about Caila, Ben would say, "She's a sex panther!" Alas...

  8. Jen, do you know that JoJo's brother Ben Patton, was on the reality tv show Ready For Love?? He was one of the 3 bachelors hahaha. So who is he to judge?? Hahaha

  9. Oh yes, had to do the botox mother re-wind. I couldn't believe my eyes!! So funny, but hey, cameras watching your every move, sons acting like assholes, and Ben sweating an ocean. I would slug a bottle too! It's a given he will pick Lauren. Caila should be the next Bachelorette!!! Love Lauren's brothers asking about the fantasy suite -- hilarious!!!

  10. On Amanda being pissed off: after hometown date, they are not allowed to go home, but are sequestered (can't be with their family) until the rose ceremony, so if hers was filmed first, that is nearly a week away - on the Bach timeline, hometowns and fantasy suite are the only "weeks" where it actually does take a week to film. So she was away from her kids for about 4 weeks, then with them only for that day... then she was taken away from them and put up in a hotel by herself for 5 days. That is pretty crappy of him or ABC to do that to her.

  11. Has no one mentioned JoJo's dad's hitler mustache yet?!