Tuesday, June 7, 2016

The Bachelorette - Week 3 Thoughts

So many disgusting things about this week. Numero uno is this:

Me Chad. Chad HUNGRY. Chad like salad. Mmmm Salad. 

Other thoughts:

• I never want to do yumyum or meowmeow or actually do yoga in any capacity, ever again. If yoga was gaining popularity, this episode single handedly just demolished the thought of anyone new ever trying out yoga.

• Also, I take yoga class and I’ve never been asked to make a “HRRRGH!” sound or have an anger-gasm or straddle another participant. I HAVE been told to “ommm” and pretend the sound of traffic outside was actually ocean waves. But I’ll take that hippie shit over the meowmeow any day.

• Chase and JoJo head off to dinner and a private concert by an unknown artist – standard practice for this seriously repetitive show. I like Chase. I think he’s hot, right? Even though he made a heart shape with his fingers to the camera and I’m 75% confident he’s wearing Wranglers.

• Chad is not pleased he’s on a group date and decides to tell all the guys this. Then he throws out some roid-rage-driven insults and decides to pump some iron.

For real, what is going on here? 

• Group date: They not only have to do stand-up comedy, but also tell America some personal anecdote about their sex life. This is horrifying. Not as horrifying as Nick SHOWING me how he goes down on a girl. Good lord.

• Evan makes fun of Chad, who rips his wee little shirt because he’s so mad. 95% of this episode is about Chad being a dickface. In a nutshell, here’s why he’s an asshole: He hates the premise of the show, despite the fact he’s ON IT. He doesn’t want to do group dates or reveal his feelings or talk. Or be nice. Or stop lifting weights.

• JoJo gives Evan the rose, which is gross. Come on. Chad calls her out and says, “Is this a real scenario right now?” I agree. No way she likes him. But unlike me, Chad PROBABLY shouldn’t say that out loud.

• One-on-one date is for James Taylor. WHY is she not picking Robby or Luke?

• Because the guys feel Chad is a loose cannon ready to pop, they hire an overweight, sleepy security guard to protect them. Which is odd because EVEN I could kick the shit out of that guard. That guy isn’t protecting anyone from anything.

• Swing dancing lessons with James Taylor sounds like an awful date. He’s sweet but no thanks.

• James Taylor tells JoJo two things that are incredibly unfortunate. One is that he has zero confidence in his physical appearance (total turn on, thanks) and the other is that he has a zest for life. That would be exhausting to keep up with.

• DO NOT SERENADE ME ALONE.

• Evan now cries to Chris Harrison saying he’s afraid of Chad. Harrison then tells Chad that Evan is afraid of him (sort of). He tells Chad to apologize to the guys, but before we get to that, the show is over and we’re given all these previews of bleeding men. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that two guys are bloody because they bumped heads during a pie eating contest or some other Bachelorette shtick. Probably has nothing to do with Chad.

• Last thought: Alex’s tattoos are not attractive. Boys – please think twice before you permanently mark your torso with a large tiger.

No rose ceremony because we ALL HAVE TO WATCH THIS SHIT AGAIN TONIGHT. See you tomorrow!

6 comments:

  1. Ive been reading your blog dince Desiree and gives me life lol.

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  2. Did you notice all of the homemade Beaded necklaces? I guess they had craft time.

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    1. I remember that from Bachelor in Paradise. It's actually their microphones when they are shirtless. Sneaky!

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  3. Yes, Chase is hot. Me like too. I think there's a whole lot more to the Evan picture that we don't know. Would love to REALLY know his background.
    +Andi (above): The necklaces are from the producers, so they can hang mic packs down the men's backs and into their shorts.

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  4. you called it! no blood from Chad - just football and Evan's wussy nosebleeds

    these pity roses are getting very old

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  5. Wasn't this the episode that the "no name" singer is actually the guy from Lady Antebellum?

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