Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Bachelor in Paradise 8/23 Thoughts

I have thoughts. Here they are.

• Izzy redeems herself by 1% by saying that she didn’t dump Vinny JUST because of Brett’s looks, but because she had doubts about Vinny too. Problem is, those doubts magically appeared when gay Brett and his lamp walked in.

• Vinny leaves, which makes him look like a man. Fuck her, dude. Get out, move on. He should’ve brought Ashley with him.

• Oh yay. Jade and Tanner are there. That definitely means excitement. (If I could type this in “sarcasm font”, I would.)

• Jen tells Nick not to hold back. Nick tells Jen he wants to take it slowly in hopes that he avoids becoming a Trivial Pursuit Question. That’s aiming a bit high. I’d say he’s more likely to be a Family Feud question. Of course that format is different so it wouldn’t make sense. But Trivial Pursuit isn’t even made anymore is it? Where am I going with this?

• Caila is 24??? She acts like she’s 40. Wait, I’m 40. She acts like she’s 60.

• Jared and Caila go out to fake dinner and then strip down and almost hump in a stream. Whoa. I guess she does like balls in her face (please refer to yesterday’s post).

• After making out, he pins her against a rock and she wraps his legs around him? Dad, I think he’s gonna pork her. He’s not gonna pork her, Russ. I think he’s gonna. He may pork her. Finish your breakfast.

• Carly and Evan go on a rebirth date in a sweaty Mexican cave. Maaaaaaaaybe the worst date of all time? There’s sweat, half-naked strangers, some chanting, hairy people pouring dirty water on me and Evan half naked. Yup, worst date ever.

• Oddly, Carly is into it. I guess her desperation has hit an all-time high. Oh I kid… maybe she’s maturing and realizing she needs a GOOD guy to marry. Not sure if she’ll want him orgasm-ing on top of her for the next 50 years but whatevs.

• Back at the compound, Psycho Ashley decides to up the bitch level by fucking with Jared and Caila. She claims she can stimulate his mind…um, that’s not stimulating, that’s fucking with him. Kick that crazy bitch out, please. You know why you’re not sexy, Ashley? Because you suck. Big time.

• Anyhoo, Ashley tells Jared that it’s clear he likes Caila more than Caila likes him. He runs to Caila. Caila runs to Ashley. I run to my freezer, grab some ice cream and call it a night.

OK See you next week. When does Wells get there?

1 comment:

  1. We need REAL and sweet Sarah needs to be the next Bachelorette!!! Wells needs to be the next Bachelor. Come to think about it, Sarah and Wells might make a neat couple. Just sayin'. How do we get this message to the producers????!!!

    Ok, so I'm liking how Jared is going for it with Caila. She needs someone like that -- helps her to make up her mind, ya think? Good for him for finding a big ole rock to lead her astray.

    Oh Jen -- your comments about porking -- just fell off my chair laughing!!