Tuesday, January 10, 2017

The Bachelor - Week Two Thoughts

Ugh, I’m tired already. And Corinne needs to take a de-skanking workshop.

My thoughts:

• Rachel got the first impression rose and wants to “continue making great first impressions with him.” Just think about that for a second. Sigh. I hate everyone.

• I love it when Smitty (Chris Harrison’s nickname, no idea why), tries to really bring out the crazy in the chicks by saying things like, “Not everyone will get a date with Nick this week so when you’re with him, you REALLY need to make the most of your time.” I mean, they’re fucking crazy enough, Smitty. They don’t need more encouragement. Corinne, case in point.

• Group Date one is a fake photo shoot with a fake photographer, where each lady sports a different type of wedding dress. Definitely in the top five worst date ideas ever but I’m a huge fan of the photographer, wow.

• Let’s talk about Corinne. She’s a skank. And she’s a skank because she’s insanely insecure so this is the only way she gets dudes to like her. When she feels threatened, she tells the girls she kissed him on night one. Sex is her security blanket. Sexcurity blanket. Security Sexket. I don’t know. Either way, chick needs to read a book or something.

• Photographer, and I quote: “Who’s been naughty in Vegas and needs a little spanky spanky?”

• Corinne talks about stepping up her game. “Stepping up her game”… does she think she’s an Olympic swimmer or something? She’s talking about upping her skank game. Skame?

 Awww, she's fun.

• Corinne wins the date, but the photographer was the judge so come on.

• Raven (gun-toting, bible lovin’, fake store owner), is oddly the voice of reason for this entire episode. There are actually a couple chicks who say things like, “If he likes Corinne and the aggressive type (code for slut-a-licious), then he can’t be interested in a wife, or a girl like me.” But for some reason, I only believe it when Raven says it. The other chicks will say it but the moment Nick pulls them aside to cuddle, they’ll be all, “Mmmm Nick, I love you be my husband.”

• Corinne interrupts everyone to steal Nick multiple times, and pussy Nick says yes every time. Actually he’s not a pussy. His penis is just hungry for some Corinne vagine. Again Corrine, THIS DOESN’T MEAN HE LIKES YOU. Anyhoo, then Taylor interrupts Corinne and she is furious. Skank furious. Skankurious.

• Mic drop moment: Raven says, “If he likes someone who leads with her sexuality then no wonder it’s his 4th time.” BOOM. I bet she marries him.

• One-on-one date with Danielle. She’s clearly super nice, super normal and relatively cute. She will never end up with Nick. Also, this guy almost died on their date:

Dude, MOVE! 

• Back at the skanksion (skank mansion), Liz is dying to tell someone about the fact she’s banged Nick already, because she too is feeling insecure. So she tells Christen. And then they talk about it again and again. And again.

• Back on the date, Nick gives Danielle the rose and says, “This is the easiest decision I’ve made in giving out a rose.” In an unexpected twist, Corinne pops out from under the table and says, “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY? WAS IT EASIER THEN WHEN I GOT MINE?! I’m panicking here. QUICK! Touch my vagina!”

• I’m very confused at the fake break ups. Is this a show? Why would that be fun to watch at all? I’m under my couch at home – I can’t IMAGINE how awful that would be to watch in person. Awkward-city whoa.

• Jaimi dated a girl once! I didn’t see that one coming! Oh wait, yes I did.

• Nick pulls Liz aside and sends her shit home. Then panics about telling the other girls. I don’t quite see why? They all banged other dudes (in Jaimi’s case, other girls), before they got on the show. Hell Corinne is banging someone else back at the mansion as we speak. (Her vagine can only go so long without penetration before it starts to atrophy.)

No rose ceremony because they end the show on a fake cliffhanger of Nick telling the girls he’s actually had sex before. So next week, peeps – see you then!


  1. I'm glad he sent Liz home...girls like her ruin it for the rest of us and are the reason guys turn stupid. He was interested, asked for her number, and followed a normal progression of dating. Then she has to be dumb and say no, and she gave Christen some bs reason why... is it that hard to understand that he might have legitimately been interested? And she lies and says she went on the show to get to know him better.... NOW? With 21 other bitches?? I have a lot more respect for him for sending her ass home. Okay, rant over. Corinne is a skank and needs to go.

  2. Corrine is the ultimate skank. She's only on the show bc producers can't wait to put her on BIP 4 (it'll be 4, right?) I want to punch her in her skank throat.

  3. I agree with Tania. I respect his decision to tell Liz to leave when her words made no sense. The man actually took "no" for an answer back at the wedding, and she has the nerve to say he didn't "fight" for her? Does she want to encourage creeps to not hear the word "no" from a woman and heed it? That was very disturbing to hear and probably why he was speechless at the Horrible Concept Museum.

    Now he's going to tell the other women he slept with Liz. Their response should be, "And the sky is blue. Let's move on with life." None of them are exclusive with anyone. There should be no jealousy, especially since he sent her packing. Will they care it was a one night stand? He wanted her number so he didn't want it to end there. And he took "no" for an answer. I respect that.

    Also he can't send Corinne home, she is the producer's villain this season, you know, just like he was for two seasons.

    Anyone who takes Nick's news "hard" on the next episode needs to go. That would signal super insecurity to me. That is, if Nick actually got to choose who left, and not the producers.

  4. Liz could have done a much better job defending herself, but based on what she said to plead her case I don't blame Nick for giving her the boot. She came off SO defensive! It was so not cute.

  5. Hurray - good to have you back, Jen! I honestly don't think, in all my years of watching this show, that I've ever been more horrified by someone than I was by Corinne. She takes "trainwreck" to an entirely new level. There are women here with masters degrees, women that speak multiple languages, attorneys, etc. And then we have a 26 year old with a nanny who's entire life centers around her "platinum vagine". Television gold.

  6. If it's possible for a formulaic show to become more forumlaic, this one has. For Ben's season it was Olivia, for JoJo's season, it was Chad, now Corinne. They plant these people for manufactured drama. I may be done.